Tutus & Fairy Wings
by cake1908
Summary: ..she was interrupted by Harry Potter skipping down the corridor wearing a pink tutu with fairy wings strapped to his back.." yeh, it's a pointless crackfic a friend and I have been writting. BEWARE: Contains OOC, lacks a plot and will probably offend.
1. Chapter 1

**WARNING: This failcake of a fic will probably offend pretty much everyone. Contains large amounts of Wtf? Also contains a large scoop of OOC and some pink sprinkled on top. If you dislike Crackfics, I strongly suggest you flee now and never look back.**

**Also.**

**Disclaimer. I don't own anything. Nothing! You hear me? All belongs to JK. Rowling... except maybe the sexy tea... that belongs to Dubai according to a friend.**

Chapter 1 – Let the wth begin.

"FUCK SHIT!" yelled Malfoy as he hit his foot on the door of the heads common room. Hermione just looked at him as if he was nuts. but did notice the tears streaming from his sexy grey-blue eyes. She had never seen him in this way before. And found it kind of cute how he was hoping round on his unharmed foot yelling in pain. After he had regained his composure, he looked around and noticed the mudblood Granger staring at him as if he was Merlin's beard itself. "What are you staring at mudblood!?" he snarled.

"You crying like a wikkle baby, Malfoy"

"Malfoys don't cry, Granger"

She took a step closer to him. She was about to make a snide remark when she was interrupted by Harry Potter skipping down the corridor wearing a pink tutu with fairy wings strapped to his back, they stared in horror as Ron came running down the corridor after him with his hair dyed bright pink. He was shooting confetti from his wand and singing to himself. They rounded the corner and dissapeared from sight leaving a trail of confetti behind them.

Hermione and Malfoy stood speechless for a second before they were joined by a very pink faced Neville.

"Whats up with Potty and Weasel?" Malfoy remarked, slightly pink faced too, trying to hide the fact he had liked what he'd seen.

"I don't know, I've been chasing them around Hogwarts trying to get them to stop. I think they must have swallowed love potions or something" he looked worried.

"Nothing new there then" sighed Hermione, a little exasperated. She glanced down to see a small folded pink piece of paper at her feet, she picked it up and opened it. It was an invitation to a tea party in the Gryffindor common room, hosted by none other than Harry and Ron. Strangely enough Malfoy was invited too, stranger again there were kisses next to his name.

"Look it's an invitation to a tea party" Hermione had a worried look on her face.

"Were going aren't we?!" Neville looked hopefull.

"I don't know.. maybe we should inform Professor Snape, in case they have taken a potion.. they're acting stranger than usual."

"Nah, leave it Granger. Let's go have some fun!" Malfoy smirked. Hermione looked at him, she did not expect Malfoy to want to have fun at all, let alone go to a Gryffindor tea party.

Hermione, Draco and Neville approached the entrance to the Gryffindor common room. Neville said the password and they stepped inside. The common room was lavishly decorated with pink glittery things, banners and paper chains. The trio looked round in astonishment just as Harry popped out from behind the settee. "Hello there!" he beamed at them. A second later Ron also appeared from behind it too. "We weren't expecting you yet! We've been getting ready".  
"Behind the sofa?" Malfoy sneered.

Hermione gave them a puzzled look. She had never known them to act like this.

Ron clapped his hands together and put on a smug grin, as if he was pleased with himself about something "So let's go grab some tea!" he beamed.

At that point, a heavily makeup'd Dean Thomas skipped from the 'kitchen' wearing a sparkly tiara and a matching pink pinny, brandishing a tray full of flowery pink china and an assortment of fairy cakes. "How nice to see you all!" he sang.

"Yes. At least they actually showed up" Harry muttered. Dean placed the tray on the table by the sofa and they all took a seat. Just as they had all taken a cake each, Harry, Ron and Dean all jumped up together and yelled "SURPRISE!!1!1!!" and pink teddy bears fell from the ceiling, pummelling the gobsmacked guests below.

"What exactly is the surprise for?" Hermione questioned.

"TEDDY BEARS!" Ron exclaimed happily, grabbing a bunch in his arms and hugging them tightly. Harry just smiled at them and pointed to the ceiling. Looking up, the guests noticed pink glittery letters on the ceiling reading 'P.P.P'. Draco raised a sceptical eyebrow. "What the fu..."

"What does P.P.P mean?" Neville cut in quickly.

"Pretty Puff Pals!" shouted Dean, giving them a twirl as he did so.

"I knew it was a Puff Potion..." Neville whispered under his breath.

"Tea anyone?" Ron offered, slamming the cup to his lips and gulping outrageously, spilling it down himself, while Harry handed round hot mugs of pink-tinged tea.

"Hmm... okay then.." Hermione agreed unsurely, taking a small sip, Malfoy did the same. Neville looked round in amazement before following suit and taking a large gulp. As if on cue, Harry, Ron and Dean jumped up once again. And began ushering Hermione and Draco out into the corridor while Dean practically dragged Neville up to the boys dormitories. Once the portrait slammed behind them Draco turned to Hermione "They seemed in a bit of a hurry to get rid of us...".

"Yes. I think we are too" she replied

"What?"

"You'll see..." she said as she grabbed him by the hand and dragged him towards the head's dormitory.


	2. Chapter 2

**Next chapter, AHOY! Same as the last one. Disclaimer, warning: encourages use of alcohol and jumping on people from the ceiling etc. :)**

They fell clumsily through the portrait hole into the heads dormitory and Hermione shoved Draco onto the couch by the fire.

"Wait here a sec" she said and rushed off up into her dorm. A few minutes later she came back holding something behind her back.

"I'm gonna show you something. It's probably the most important thing in my life apart from learning..."

"Cool" Draco raised an eyebrow. "Let's see then.."

"IT'S MY STAMP COLLECTION!" Hermione exclaimed taking the large leather book from behind her back and shoving it into Draco's lap.

"You'll help me fill at least 10 pages tonight right?!"

"Uuuh.." Draco really did not know what to say to this. Honestly he thought stamps were for people with no life but for some reason he couldn't bring himself to say this in front of Granger. She looked so excited at the prospect of stamps and her cheeks were flushed as she hopped from foot to foot, watching him expectantly.

_I'm so going to regret this. _

"Fine, I'll help" He didn't know what was wrong with him tonight. For some reason Granger looked extra beautiful and he just couldn't bring himself to say no.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!" she punched the air in triumph and dived into the sofa next to him, bringing a huge plastic bag full of stamps from her robes.

_She's acting odd tonight.... since when did Hermione Granger yell 'wheee' and throw herself at furniture?_

After spending at least two hours sticking stamps into the book and they had managed to fill about 12 pages, Draco stood up and stretched.

"I think I'm going to bed now Hermione. It's pretty late and my tongue hurts from licking stamps"

"I'll make it better!"

"I beg your f*cking pardon!?"

"The stamp book. I will decorate the edges" she smiled at him happily.

"Oh.. right." he thought she had meant something else for a second...

He gazed back into her chocolate brown eyes and before he could stop himself he grabbed her wrist and kissed her.

_What the hell am I doing?! _

He didn't know why he ahd kissed her. It was as if there was some sort of spell on him forcing him to. Then he remembered.

_THE TEA PARTY! I'M GOING TO KILL POTHEAD AND WEASLEBEE!_

He gazed at her and she stared back blankly for some seconds, evidently confused because of the potion. Then she kissed him back and before they knew it they were both kissing each other.. tongues and all.. and stuff.

As they pulled apart Hermione said "Hey I thought you had a sore tongue?!"

"I did but you made it better" Draco grinned stupidly at his own joke, Hermione merely stared at him.

He sighed. "I think I shall go to bed for real now"

"I'll come with you!" she began to follow him towards the dorm doors.

"WHAT?!" Draco spun around.

Hermione looked startled. "I'm going to bed too... is that a problem?"

"Oh .. no it isn't. Goodnight." he ran his hands nervously through his unusually messy hair. That's the third time he had misunderstood what she meant. He had to be more careful before he embarrassed himself.

When Draco awoke the next morning memories of the previous night came rushing back into his mind. The tea party, the stamps and snogging Granger. Oddly enough he didn't feel sorry about it. In fact he was actually rather happy. Smiling to himself he got up and got ready before going down to the Great Hall for breakfast.

As he strutted into the Hall something caught his eye, stopping in his tracks he turned to see the dreaded Harry Potter stood near the Slytherin table. As Draco neared him he realised what it was exactly that Harry was doing.

Harry had a small baby blue teapot in his right hand and was pouring tea over Goyle's head, who was slopped on the table looking rather miserable, and in his left hand he was waving his wand every time the teapot was almost empty, to refill it. Did I mention he was singing to himself too? But this wasn't what struck Draco first, the thing that dawned on the shell-shocked blond was the fact that the great Harry Potter, the arch nemesis of Lord Voldemort, infamous parselmouth, youngest Gryffindor seeker for a century, exceptional Patronus caster, featured boy in nearly every Daily Prophet issue, the only person to have survived the killing curse, and lived to tell the tale of probably four encounters with the Dark Lord himself already...... had his face plastered with makeup, and was still dressed in a sparkly pink tutu. With frills.

He had bright red lipstick smeared across his lips, purple eye shadow and dark mascara plastered over his eyelashes, making them extra long and spidery.

"What the broken and contorted flute playing monkeys?" Draco asked, to himself rather than anyone else.

"Hey Draco hunny!" Harry lisped, stopping his tea pouring (much to Goyle's relief) and turning to face him. He fluttered his now enormously lengthy eyelashes as he did so, and waved a sparkly bangle covered hand at him. Draco noticed the French manicure he'd had since yesterday.

Draco opened his mouth, preparing his rant, when he was hit rather painfully on the head with another teapot.

"FUCKING OUCH!?" Draco spun around, forgetting the strange boy in front of him, and scanning the Hall angrily for his attacker.

"YIEEEEEEE!!!!!!" the cry echoed round the hall, and everyone looked up as two boys, one rather pink haired and one rather round toppled from the ceiling?, both landing heavily on Draco.

"Haha, good job we got a soft landing, eh Neville?" Ronald Weasley hiccupped, patting Draco's bleeding scalp with a clumsy hand, they were obviously smashed beyond belief.

"Yeerrr" Neville giggled, before rolling off Draco's unconscious form and onto the floor. "HAIY EVARYBODY, YOU SEXY PEOPLE, YOU!" he staggered as he got up.

"Hey Neville, why'sh everyone so quiet?" Ron stooped to pick up a pink party hat (which matched marvellously with his new pink hair) and place it, lopsided, on Draco.

"Nuno Ron, let'sh go get some more FireWhiskey, like *hiccup* posh people" Neville was already swaying towards the door of the Great Hall, Ron in tow.

On the departure of the two drunken youths, the Great Hall exploded with laughter.


End file.
